My 17 month old son, Chief. Climbed up onto the dining room table today and got my attention by screaming “Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!” A few alarming things were happening at this moment: toddler on table whilst yelling but the one thing that caught me off guard the most, his new name to call me “Mommy”. Who me?!
Up until now, I have been just “Mama”. I suppose even before that, a little cry meant he was calling for me. Everyone always says “don’t blink, before you know it they’re walking, or driving (insert new milestone).” No one prepared me for the transition from “Mama to Mommy to Mom.” Now that’s a blindsider.
My 3 year old calls me “Mom” now. I’m not even sure when that happened. What’s next? “Hilary”? Or even worse, “Grandma”?! Only kidding, Grandmas! That’s a badge of honor in my eyes! However, I know, I know. SLOW DOWN right?! If you’ve read my previous work you know I didn’t savor my daughters first year as much as I wish I had. Yet, now 3 years later I find myself overcome with bittersweet emotions. It doesn’t seem fair. Yet, I’m not trying to brush off these feelings. Why? It’s simple. It’s LOVE. Boy, is it a powerful thing.
Today when my son said “Mommy”, I can’t lie, it stung. Like a little knife right to my heart, the air pulled right from my lungs. The room suddenly in slow motion… I turn my head towards him. My son. Surely not a baby anymore. Those days are gone. The excitement and life in his eyes… that’s how I cope with it today. His pride. The whole world ahead of him.
How is it possible that I’m “running after a fast moving train” and I want the days to last as long as humanly possible all at the same time? I don’t know what’s happening. I do know one thing. This fills up my soul. My heart. My everything because, I was here today. Witnessing my son grow, mature and develop right in front of my eyes. For that, I’m grateful. Now I have more perspective. Which is truly priceless. What’s next? Drinking from a big glass cup, dressing himself or even moving from bathtub to shower?
Maybe it doesn’t seem like a lot of things happened today. Or many of your days seem mundane. Trust me, these are THE BIG THINGS. Just like my daughter somehow is 3 and calls me “Mom” now. Those years went by in the blink of an eye. Just like “they” all said it would. With my new found perspective there’s one thing I’m not doubting today, I’ll spend the rest of my years fighting to never miss the BIG THINGS again.
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