I’ve said it before “if you think my hands are full, you should see my heart”. It’s true. Motherhood is the most fulfilling, heart warming, proudest part of my life. My little loves, made from love. How I cherish them so. There’s not a day that goes by that I’m not thankful for spending all my days with them. We all get the same 24 hours. I know in my heart, I’ll never regret these priceless years.
That doesn’t mean some days don’t feel mundane. They do. Endless butt wiping, snack preparing, tantrum calming, tidying up all the while running on a few hours of sleep. Yeah, I’ve seen easier days.
It’s hard not to look at snapshots of my childless friends’ lives and take a trip down memory lane. Back when shopping dates and happy hours were spontaneous. Now my happy hour is boxed wine at home while folding tiny clothing in my robe. Thrilling, I know.
The transition to motherhood is enormous. Not only your body has drastic changes but everything else in your life. One day when my daughter was a few months old I sat pondering how everything was so different. How could I be busy all day long taking care of my child and home yet feel so isolated? The kids need naps, the household needs maintenance, feeding the tribe, husband works late, etc. Am I looking for a remedy to my lonely stay-at-home mom life? No, not exactly. This is the chapter I’m in right now and that’s okay. I get to say “I wanted this life.” Yet, I also can say “this is hard.”
You know what would be cool though? If my friends pretended like I’m the old me. Invite me to happy hour. Invite me to Friday night double date. Invite me to the adult cabin weekend. Even if, “You probably don’t have a sitter”, or “I figured the kids had to go to bed”. Whoa there…if there’s a chance I can go I will find someone to watch my kids. Please don’t assume I can’t come. Heck, I might not even want to go! I honestly probably want to go to bed early. #teamnosleep. I don’t blame my friends for being this way. Our lives are drastically different these days. I think staying up late is 10:30 PM. They’re just getting started. (and good for them!)
It’s hard spending an entire day with only toddlers to converse with or a baby that doesn’t even talk. The whole day might be spinning, but once the kids are in bed everything comes to a screeching halt. Like, wow. What is my purpose? Is anyone out there? Hello?! It’s me. I’m “still me”. I’ve said that a few too many times since becoming a mother, I’m afraid. When in reality, I am a new version of myself. There’s really no way I could be the exact person I was before becoming a mother. Now I’m a beautiful, caring, strong, selfless version of myself. A person I can be proud of.
Have no fear, I don’t let the loneliness consume me. I truly know today is a gift and these little babes won’t be little for very long at all. There is beauty in every day. You just have to find it. Even if it’s sticky and covered in crumbs. There’s no doubt, it’s full of love too.
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